Frustration

06.09.11
Frustration is a dangerous thing. It can cause anger, a complete loss of patience and the inability to form a calm and logical thought process in attempting to talk to others.

I am a frustrated supply teacher. And at this very moment in time I am finding it difficult to stop myself constructing plans to seek revenge on council workers who have become, in Marvel comic terms, my worst enemies in the world of employment.

Let me try to begin explaining where my exasperation has come from.
After removing me from their supply list for no reason, a certain council in the West of Scotland (lets just throw ‘Dunbartonshire’ in there for a giggle)-then told me that I had to re-apply for the position (one which, incidentally has never given me any work up to this date), and in addition to this I had to pay a fee of £59 just to be back on that list. Furthermore, they sent me on a wild goose chase back and forth to the council buildings, then online to fill out further application forms, then back to the council (a 40 minute drive each way) just to give them said application forms and double-triple check it was me by photocopying my drivers licence and teaching qualification, (something they had already done). After all this, I was finally on that list- just to sit and wait another two years while they supply me with no work at all.

Now don’t get me wrong. I am certainly not blaming this council for the lack of jobs out there- it’s difficult. And for a supply teacher I understand that work is thin on the ground. However, I have been informed countless amounts of times in this particular council that positions are available in schools for supply teachers and they are simply not being advertised, or becoming inaccessible due to the outrageously high amount of admin and bureaucracy that goes into getting us registered. (Not to mention hefty money-making schemes just to squeeze a little bit more blood from our unemployed supply teaching stones).

This time last year BBC Scotland reported the figures for teaching to be 17 applicants for every 1 job. Things haven’t improved this year, if anything they’re worse. Teachers are now less likely to retire and if they do, continue working on in a supply role for the same position but with the added bonus of a pension. And where does that leave me? An unemployed supply teacher of 5 years at the age of 28 buried in useless paperwork and spending hundreds of pounds on petrol just trying to get on one of the most expensive lists in Scotland. It would be cheaper trying to teach the kids in nightclubs- they only charge a tenner on the door.

This year the BBC reported a massive shortage in male primary teachers, and overall unemployment rates this year have fallen by 8%. So what’s going wrong? Why is communication so bad? And why, when I walk into a council building does the secretary look almost scared to be there, while HR have no clue what to do about willing and highly qualified teachers? Someone let me in on this big secret because quite frankly I’m sick of being told I’m wrong, and someone with a lot of time on their hands is right and therefore I should go away and fill another form in.

I have been happy supply teaching for the last 5 years. It’s rewarding, fun and the kids in Scotland are fantastic to work with. It really is a shame that what my job has become is nothing but cut budgets, paperwork and a wall of confused office workers.

What’s funny?

Human nature is a funny thing.
We are, as humans, a whole big massive and dominant species. We got here because we’re intelligent and changeable and efficient at basic survival. Human nature is part of us, part of our every day life. It effects the decisions we make and the responses we give to various situations we find ourselves in. it’s curious and interesting and complicated and wonderful all at the same time.

There is one particular piece of human nature, however which fascinates me. And that’s the unnatural bit which separates us from any other living thing on the planet. I don’t mean the peculiar or unusual bits like hate, resentment, jealousy or frustration, all of these bits have actually been found in some primate species and are well on the way to being claimed by animals that fight or prove themselves worthy of the opposite sex. (All very much like human beings).

No. What I am referring to is that specific and magical piece of us which we alone claim as ours. It is the ability not only to understand humour, respond to it in a very obvious and yet totally unique way - but also our ability to create and carefully construct something in words and actions which, in themselves, are purely for the sake of laughing and to be appreciated as this thing called ‘funny’. And the strange thing about it is, it means nothing else. It’s not a survival technique. (Unless you’re in a bond film and feel the need to tell knock-knock jokes to get out of the clutches of professor ‘insert evil name’ by confusing him with witty banter). It doesn’t do anything to aid our health, our well being or even our ability to hunt, gather or procreate. So why is it there? What’s its purpose? Why is it such a huge part of us and why, most importantly of all, can’t we live without it?

Ok. So when I said humour wasn’t about surviving or procreating I wasn’t exactly honest with you. Actually, it is.
I’ve read a few studies, (and by read I mean watched a lot of Michael Mosley documentaries) which in simple terms outline ‘humour’ as the equivalent to an animal mating ritual, and for the purposes of this ‘study’ (I’m using the phrase very loosely here, because in truth I am neither an expert nor have I actually bothered to do much studying)- I shall use the Pacific Bull-frog as my example of why we laugh like we do. The Bull-Frog (let’s call him bob), puts on a performance. He doesn’t just ribbet, or stick out his chest, or dance- he actually does all three. He carefully constructs a beautiful show for female frogs to appreciate, consider and if they’re suitably impressed receive and mate with. Bob is an entertainer, and he does this basically to show off. (Remind you of anything?) Yes. In the same way many animals need to show they’re worthiness to the opposite sex, so do we as humans.

Ask any female who has switched her computer on in an attempt to find ‘the one’ without having to sift through a thousand drunk and incoherent twits in bars and she will tell you that above abs, wavy hair, nice skin, a lovely bum and a well-endowed wallet comes a sense of humour. Why? Well, because it screams intelligence. And I don’t mean knowledge. You can have 5 degrees in neuro-science and a PhD in micro-technology but if you can’t make a girl laugh you are on the road to many a lonely night with nothing but top-gear re-runs and a bottle of Stella to keep you company. Turn this on its head and look at the many comedians out there with stunning wives. They achieve this by being confident, sharp and clever- and with this often comes a lot of success and prestige. It’s almost considered a ‘Myth’ for a woman to be ‘talked’ into the bedroom these days- but ask around the comedy circuit and you’ll actually realise this is not a myth- bizarrely even in this day and age, in many cases its very true.

But this isn’t the final say in comedy and why we need humour. This is only one part. The other part comes with these delightful little things called endorphins, and they truly are human nature’s best friends.

It would be naive to think that humour is used purely as a means to getting your end away. It’s not. Consider the thousands of comedy clubs around the world and particularly here in the UK. The hundreds of comedy shows, and the plentiful supply of comedians making a living through making people laugh. If all this was to procreate we’d never get anything done. What this is actually about is that little ‘high’ humans get when they laugh. Connected to the mating ritual described above, endorphins give us a little ‘kick’ whenever we do something right to our body- like a little piece of encouragement every time we do something like eat good food, have naughty-cuddles and exercise.

Most importantly we get this little ‘kick’ when we laugh. In the same way that we find the opposite sex attractive because they’re witty, we also get deep enjoyment out of reacting to something funny- because laughing is good for us. It stops depression, it encourages human-interaction and it connects couples together in order to make babies and live happily ever after.

Therefore, in the same way that we have a rush of adrenaline from a roller-coaster that frightens the living bejesus out of us, we also get huge enjoyment through going to a comedy club and being able to laugh for three hours. Its natural, and its wonderful. And believe it or not, it’s completely necessary to the survival of mankind.

So go out, get a few drinks, meet some nice people and go to a comedy night- because that’s what funny is there for. To make us better human beings.


-Sarah-May Philo.