When I think of spring a few things pop into my already very messy and over exhausted head. The first of which being “Thank god the snow is over, finally I can not only feel my nose but wear make-up that doesn’t clash with frost-bite blue” and the second being “ooh! New wardrobe!”
Now don’t misunderstand me. I may be quite the blonde ditz but I also concern myself with the more substantial topics of our society, the upcoming election, for example. I am very much looking forward to the heated debates between Cameron and Brown, jostling their fraught and in some cases extreme social opinions, (What was Cameron thinking when he prioritized fastest broadband ever over cleaning up the East End of Glasgow from drug dealers, pimps and over-stocked Lidle stores?!).
However as I browse the pages of BBC News online I cannot help but be slightly distracted by the bold and somewhat more attractive headlines of “Why didn’t Hitchcock’s blonde’s have more fun?” and “Nicolas Sarkozy accused of affair”. In both cases, I suspect, these journalists grossly underestimate Blondes and their ability to earn serious money through a smile and wink. This therefore brings me back to Springtime, and my wardrobe.
I feel it is my duty to re-introduce “New Season” wardrobe to Glasgow. I have noticed these past few minus-degree months that girls seem to have forgotten that your clothing should, in fact, change with the weather. Instead what I see on Sauchiehall street at 2am on a Saturday morning are a few umpa-lumpa type 17 year olds wearing nothing but a skirt/belt, a flippant excuse at high socks (definitely not marks and sparks, I checked as she was bending over to pick up a dropped chip), and a t-shirt just about covering the nipple area and with just around enough room to fit the words “Princess Bitch” on the front. Charming.
So I feel a campaign is in order. Get these little darlings off the pornographic/hypothermic catwalk and straight into a Gap store for some reasonable undies and a few lessons in spring-time fashionable updates. A nice dress and pumps perhaps. Some light organic cotton shirts and maybe some lessons in how to say “no” when approached by dodgy infestation-riddled boys in their 20’s. Spring should be about celebrating taking your Burberry coat off and replacing it with a nice cardigan from Miss Selfridge. It should not be about replacing your Burberry cap with a high-tailed scrunchy and doubling it up as a boob-tube. You have been warned. Happy Easter.
